To be Loved Back
by Angel Fantasy
Summary: In one of his most vulnerable moments, Link's biggest secret gets discovered by the very one he tries his hardest to hide it from.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** I don't own DGM, though I wish I could...

**A/N:** This new story was born from the fangirling me while I tried time and time again to write CP and my Ignorance fic.

Enjoy~

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To be Loved back - 1 - Link's POV

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Closing the door to the room he shares with his charge at Black Order HQ, Howard Link walked to the unique bed and fell on its covers with a shaky groan, letting go of his reserved façade.

Undoing the ties and button retaining his high collar, he traced a path over the trembling skin of his neck and collar bone with his fingers, letting his nails dig into the flesh of his nape to make it feel like a bite. Shivering, he undid the buttons of his coat with his other hand and let it wander over his chest and nipples, pinching and tweaking them for a while before continuing down south, into his pants.

His hand found his aching erection and pinched the slit. "Ah..." he traced the length and circled the tip before enclosing his hand around his shaft and starting a slow rhythm.

Link's left hand moved down to his nipples, rubbing and circling them as best as he could. He caressed his chest some more before rolling to his side, his body twitching every now and then as the pleasurable sensations his other hands elicited on his shaft increased in intensity.

"Haa... nhn..."

When he felt precum against his palm, his left hand left his now erect nipples and went under the waistband of his pants to slick his fingers one by one. When they were coated enough, he led his hand to his lower back, where it slipped under his pants and underwear to find his entrance. He flushed when he circled the opening, and closed his eyes as the first one pressed in.

It wasn't comfortable at first, but he quickly got used to it thanks to the distraction his other hand gave him. The second pressed in, scissoring the walls inside, wriggling hesitantly. He didn't add a third, because it hurt and he didn't want to risk wobbling or bleeding later should his nails make a wound.

He couldn't risk letting his secret found out by anyone, least of all the one that unknowingly made him do this.

"Walker..."

His whole body grew hotter just by thinking of the white-haired teen he'd left at the library under the pretext of going to the bathroom, and he bit down a loud groan, fastening his rhythm. He buried his face in the jacket he'd successfully stolen from the dirty laundry, letting Allen's scent fill his nostrils. It smelt strongly of lavender soap, but he also detected a trace of musk and sweat. He liked the last two flavours the most, because it was Walker's real scent. It was such a nice combination...

His right hand tightened its grip on his shaft, and he let out a muffled moan. He imagined Walker touching him there, stroking him expertly as the fingers of his mismatched hand went deeper inside him and curved to find that special spot that made Link see stars.

But this position wasn't the best to reach it. He blushed in embarrassment as he shakingly rolled to his belly and rose up on his knees, his face still pressed against the dirty jacket. His low ponytail fell to the side of his head, blanketing half of the pillow in blond as he lowered his pants to his knees to have better access to his neither regions.

His fingers found his sweet spot, and he muffled a loud moan into the jacket, his body violently shuddering as he increased the pace of his pumps. Stars started filling his vision as his fingers wriggled but never thrust against that place inside his body **(1)**, his entrance spasming and tightening repeatedly around them. Precum dripped onto the sheets below, staining Walker's jacket even more.

Oh gods, he felt _so_ dirty doing this with one of the white-haired teen's favourite piece of clothing. It was such an agonizing torture to be so close to him yet never being able to touch him like he wanted…

It was a hopeless situation and Link knew it, yet he never beat himself out of his crush for Allen, choosing instead to hope vainly that one day said boy would stop seeing him as nothing more than furniture and maybe, just maybe, return his one-sided love.

In the middle of his ecstasy, his chest throbbed painfully with hidden longing and tears of desperation wet the teen's jacket.

"Walker... Walker...!" his voice broke half–way, and he pressed his head deeper into the cloth, the only thing he could momentarily have all to himself. _I so wish that it could work between us..._

Fisting himself roughly now and mercilessly attacking his sweet spot, he came with a muffled, agonized scream, releasing his sin onto the piece of cloth. "_Allen..._" he whimpered.

Trembling all over, he fell unceremoniously to his side. He clutched the stained jacket and shed silent tears into the fabric, his body shaking with the aftermath of his bitter orgasm. When it all calmed down, he weakly pulled up his pants, his hormones spent and his heart hollow.

It was then that his ex-Crow senses picked a presence in the room. A presence he knew all too well. His eyes snapped open and immediately zeroed in onto the wide-eyed figure standing frozen by the door, a hand on the doorknob. Recognition struck Link and he paled.

"Did you just call out my name, Link?" said the intruder, Allen Walker in person.

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**(1)** Link had quickly discovered that he couldn't finger-fuck himself well when he got closer to release; his entrance had a tendency to clench tighter around his fingers and stop their movements when his body was swimming in a sea of ecstasy...

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**A/N:** Aaaand that's it for chapter 1! Chapter 2 will come out next week~ Until then, I hope you enjoyed my story and please don't hesitate to leave a review!

AF~


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer:** I don't own D. Gray-Man (unfortunately).

A/N: And here's the second update for ya guys to read! I hope ya all like it! ^^

*Now to go work on that damned spanish presentation of mine that's due for tomorrow...*

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To be Loved Back - 2 - Link's POV

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Howard Link, self-respected man with a good past record, ex-Crow agent and right-handed Inspector of the Secretary, was about to loose it and piss in his pants.

God had finally decided to punish him. That or he was having a serious hallucination and he really needed to wake up. Like, _right now_.

A discrete pinch later confirmed his worst nightmare: this was all real.

Oh shit.

Link didn't utter a word as he stared at the shell-shocked object of his love, wet dreams and most secret fantasies, mortified beyond speech.

Had Walker seen _everything_?

Right there and then, he fervently wished that the bed would just open up and swallow him whole so it looked like this mess never happened. But the bed didn't do anything of that sort because it wasn't what it'd been built for.

Link was at the complete the mercy of Allen Walker's reaction, and he did not like where this was going.

When said teen closed (and locked) the door and stepped forward, the blonde man knew he was in trouble.

"Link—"

"I-I-I'm sorry!" Link got up awkwardly and scrambled backwards, making the sheets fly off the bed in the process. His back hit the wall and he hid the dirty jacket behind him, well aware that Walker had seen it but too ashamed to leave the evidence of his ungodly act in the open to be stared at.

_I'm so sorry__..._

He flinched when the bed springs creaked and drew his knees to himself, a million punishments running through his head as he felt the other come closer. The right hand was raised in the air.

Link looked down and braced himself for the hit he knew he more than deserved.

_Which one will it be, a straight-out punch or a cheek slap?_

But the hit never came. To his shock, Allen's fingers settled on his head and started to tread through his hair in the gentlest manner he's ever known before. It was such a simple touch, yet it meant everything to the distraught man, whom silently savoured every second of the caress.

"How long?" Allen asked, his voice sounding hoarse. "How long have you been like this?"

Link's eyes opened and his blurry vision made him know that he'd started shedding tears again. He didn't look at his charge. "E-Ever since I met you." His throat was constricted to boot. He must be looking really pathetic alright, getting worked up over this and breaking down like a five years olds in front of the one he loves.

He reigned in a broken laugh. _Way to go, Howard._

"Oh Link..." Two mismatched arms took him out of his thoughts by warping around his neck and pulling him to Allen's chest. Link couldn't stop the dizzy lurch of his heart and stomach at the body contact and almost broke down right then and there when the teen's warmth and scent embraced him.

"I'm the one who should be sorry. I never noticed how you were feeling right up until I stumbled upon you..."

Link didn't hear the whole thing however, distracted as he was in trying not to wet Allen's freshly washed shirt with his tears that _wouldn't stop falling_. He pushed at the other in an attempt to get his face away from the piece of cloth Walker had pressed his face against. It didn't work.

Misunderstanding his actions, the teen tightened his embrace and added, "Please don't be afraid; I'm not angry at you."

_He's not angry at me__..._

His brain stopped on that phrase and repeated it like a mantra. Somewhere in his heart, the barriers around Link's heart cracked and the sparkle of hope that flared in his chest made his emotions overlap each other to the point that small hiccups broke past his lips. He let out a distressed sound.

In response, Allen pulled him closer. "It's okay Link. Let it all out."

And that's exactly what happened. Unable to hold it all in, the man's hiccups turned into heart-wrenching sobs and Link cried away his self-hatred, his guilt, his hopelessness, his fear, his desperation and all the other emotions his heart had accumulated onto Allen's chest. He felt himself be rocked and comforting words were whispered to him as he wet Allen's shirt for all he was worth and clung to him like his life depended on it.

His unmanly break-down stopped fifty minutes later. Exhausted, the poor Inspector went limp in his crush's arms and drifted off to sleep.

~X~

Link awoke two hours later with Allen's scent filling his nostrils, laying on his side and feeling extremely much better. The teen was asleep, his arms warped firmly around him.

He stared up at Walker's face in wonder. The teen looked so innocent as he slept. His pale skin, silver hair and warm personality made him shine like an angel.

A shining angel that he, a Crow forever doomed to have tainted black wings, did not deserve in the slightest.

So he laid there, still and silent, enjoying the contact he'd so desperately wished for since he'd met the white-haired Exorcist. It was surely going to be the only time he'd get to be this close to Walker, so he might as well make a good memory of this and be content with it.

After having made sure that the teen was still asleep, Link buried his nose in his collarbone and warped his arms around his waist, pulling the younger body flush against him. He inhaled that wonderful scent of his, took in his warm skin, memorized his bone's curve, felt his steady pulse beneath his lips, listened to his breathing, delightened in the arms warped around him and cherished the body glued to his.

Even if it's just for a little while...

_... I want to openly love you, Allen Walker__._

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**A/N:** And that's it for this update! The next one will probably come around friday next week, depending on the changes I'll bring to the chapter as I go on its correction.

Until then, **don't hesitate to drop a review to let me know if you've liked this story**! Favouritings and story alerts are great, but **reviews are the best**.

AF


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer:** Had I owned DGM, all the hot boys would have been paired a long time ago. As it is, none of them except Kanda and Alma have been officially paired together, so no I don't own DGM.

**A/N:** hey guys. I'm so sorry I'm late for posting the next chapter, but life bitch-slapped me hard and I couldn't keep up the pace. I now make this official: I am a very slow writer. I'm sorry for belonging to that kind.

Concerning this chapter, I did my best to improve the dialogue. Allen was somewhat hard to portray, though **thanks to the help of my friend and beta reader ChaoticEquipoise**, I was able to keep him IC through the whole lenght of it.

I hope you'll like the new chap!

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To be Loved Back - 3 - Link's POV

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As a homeless orphan, Link had learned first hand that letting his guard down did not bode well for his survival. When he was taken in by the Church and made a Crow Apprentice with Madarao, Tevak, Tokusa, Goushi and Kiredori, that fact was reinforced and put to the test so many times that he came to view sleep as his worst enemy.

If he slept, he'd die. If he stayed awake, he'd live. Those words were so easily said yet so hard to follow. He'd lost count of how many times he'd landed in the infirmary and befriended Death while trying to become an obedient insomniac. Yet, the comfort of a soft bed felt so good against his worn out body compared to the hard surface of the ground, that Link sometimes broke the rules, made a truce with sleep and welcomed it with open arms.

Now, in bed with Allen in his arms, Link found himself repeatedly dozing off and startling awake, a very worrisome fact. He knew he should get out of bed and act as if nothing had happened between him and Walker to save appearances and reclaim his ruined dignity. He also knew that he didn't want to let go of the teen and that his whole being was praying for him to stay asleep so he could continue to hold him close. And maybe, just maybe, sleep by his side without worrying about the consequences.

His heart fluttered and his body grew pleasantly warm as he breathed in that wonderful mix of sweat, musk and lavender soap that characterized Allen's scent. It wouldn't hurt if it were only for a few minutes, right?

Just a few minutes of true sleep with the one he loved. That's all he wanted.

Slumber claimed him in the blink of an eye.

~X~

When he woke up, an arm was wrapped loosely around his waist and fingers were running though his hair in a pattern that made him want to purr. His mind still heavy with sleep, he leant into the touch without thinking and let out a contended sigh. His cheek was tickled with a breathy chuckle. Few more minutes passed in silence before his numbed brain successfully processed the information.

_Chuckle? What the—_

Then it clicked inside his dazed mind; he'd fallen asleep hugging Walker and got caught.

_Dammit_.

He tensed, expecting a rebuke. "… Good afternoon, Walker."

He felt the other start in surprise. "Oh, you're awake? Good afternoon, Link! Feeling better?"

After a few seconds of feeling nothing else coming his way, the Inspector untangled himself from Allen and sat up, silent. He felt the teen's puzzled stare on the back of his head.

"Link?"

"…"

"You okay?" Allen's right hand, Link could tell by the texture, came and started rubbing his back in slow, comforting circles.

"Why?"

"Huh?"

"Why are you not angry?"

"Angry? At who?"

"Me. Why are you not angry at me? Or disgusted?"

Had he been feeling anything else other than shame and been looking at his charge, Link would have found Allen's flabbergasted expression very cute.

"Why, pray tell, should I be angry at you?"

The man glanced in Allen's direction with barely hidden disbelief in his eyes. They narrowed warily. "Are you playing games with me, Walker?"

Chrome eyes widened. "Whoever gave you that idea? I am not!"

"Then you _know_ what I am talking about." Howard huffed irritably and looked away.

"What do you mea—oh. _Oh_. Is it about you jacking off on my bed earlier?"

Link's cheeks colored and his right eyebrow twitched. "Please do not use explicit words, Walker. This is very embarrassing."

"So _that's_ why you're so elusive!" Allen threw him an amused look. "For someone who doesn't like talking about explicit things, you sure like to give explicit shows, Link."

Two amber eyes glared at him. "That was _not_ my intention!"

"Sure it wasn't."

"_Walker!_"

"Yes?"

"Just answer my—"

"Ah! Don't move Link, there's something on you," Allen's hand went up to finger his jugular. Link's cheeks went aflame and his heartbeat increased when that finger wiped repeatedly at the spot, the touch sending prickles of heat through his limbs.

Allen frowned. "It's not going away." The thumb left Link and went inside the teen's mouth to be slicked. Right then, Link hated his Crow-trained sharp eyes that never missed a detail. He saw every little movement that tempting mouth did to that thumb and felt his mouth go dry as his mind conjured up the fantasy image of Allen sucking his c—

The feel of a saliva-drenched thumb rubbing against his neck snapped Link out of his reverie and his skin went up in goose bumps at the contact. The Inspector gripped the sheets and willed himself not to lean in—

The thumb went away again. "That's one sturdy stain you've got there, Link. How'd you manage to do that?" The bed creaked and Link realized with a start that Allen was now crawling over to him, invading his personal space. He didn't like the way his body started responding down south at such close proximity of the other.

_Get a hold of yourself, Howard Link! This kind of reaction is simply unacceptable!_

The teen didn't wait for his permission, eyes solely fixed on that stain on his neck. He raised the man's chin with a finger and leaned down. "Please hold still for a minute."

"Wait, what are you—" the rest of his question died in his throat when he felt a pair of warm lips attach themselves to his jugular and suck. His mind slowed to a stop and focused on that single sensation while his heartbeat went haywire with anticipation. The prickles of heat became electric shocks that went straight to his groin.

_Allen_ was sucking him. Allen was _sucking_ him. Allen was sucking _him_. If this was a dream, he didn't want to wake up.

His eyes closed on their own accord and his jaw slackened, a sigh almost slipping out. A wet tongue licked at the stained skin, spreading saliva on it. Smalls shivers traveled down Link's spine. Feeling light-headed, he backed up to the wall to find balance, Allen following him.

"Stay _still_, I've almost got it." A hand stilled his shoulder against the wall while the other tugged at his collar to uncover more skin. The sucking restarted, with teeth joining in this time. Oh dear God, it felt so damn good.

"W-Walker…"

"Hmm?"

Still, Link would not cave and humiliate himself in front of Walker a second time. _Never again_. "The answer…"

"Ah yes, sorry." The lips and tongue and teeth and breath and warmth and closeness of Allen all left him at the same time, making him feel achingly empty. At least Link could still see him, as he blinked his eyes open, the bridge of his nose feeling embarrassingly warm.

The object of his longings seated himself cross-legged across from him, in the typical teenage fashion.

"I saw what you did."

"Yes."

"And I'm not disgusted."

Link nodded.

"Or mad."

He nodded again.

"I'm not angry either."

"So then…?"

"I'm not scared or horrified. Want to know why?"

Link's fingers clenched into fists. "_Yes_."

"It's because I'm happy."

The other blinked. "Happy?"

Allen smiled and nodded. Little butterflies danced in Link's stomach at the fact that this smile, this true smile, was directed at _him_ of all people. For a moment, he felt special.

"Why?"

"Because all this time I've been trying my hardest to keep you from discovering the forbidden feelings I have for you." The man froze. _What?_

Allen's smile disappeared and he looked guiltily down at the bed. "I never dared to approach you because I was sure you'd get scared and report this to Central if I told you I loved you. Who wouldn't?" He let out a dry chuckle. "A guy having the hots for another guy, this has got to be the freakiest thing ever to happen in a society where only guy-to-girl relationships are allowed."

Allen drew his knees to his chest and sighed, eyes down. "Falling in love with you, that's something I don't regret at all. But I didn't want to break the bond we've built, loose the time we've spent together or get you into trouble, so I decided to keep those feelings to myself. Being close to you was enough for me."

Link stared at him, not knowing what to say. "Walker..."

Suddenly, the teen grinned mischievously. "I never expected to someday see one of my secret fantasies become reality. Seriously, calling my name while jacking off on my bed? Best show-confession ever." A thumbs-up was raised his way, with a Cheshire grin accompanying it.

The man blushed, then paled. "Did you see... everything I did?"

Allen nodded gravely. "Yes. I was shocked at first and _really_ believed for a while that this was all a dream, but then Tim bit my finger and I realized it was not."

Link groaned and hid his burning face behind his hands, thoroughly embarrassed. "I thought I told you to _stay put_ in that library?"

"I would have if Timcampy hadn't forcefully led me to our room!"

That damned _golem_. Didn't it know the meaning of _privacy_?

"I thought _all _golems obeyed their owners?" he glared at said flying golden ball hovering by the door, and it grinned toothily back at him.

Allen laughed nervously. "Tim's an exception, I'm afraid. Faced with such sharp teeth that threatened to bite you real hard if you didn't move soon, do you think you'd have stayed in your seat for long?"

As much as Link didn't want to admit it, Walker _did_ have a point there. Timcampy had the sharpest set of teeth Link had ever seen, and that golden ball knew how to use them**.**

The teen grinned. "But when I look behind Tim's actions, I get why he was so frantic and pressing. Had I not been quickly lead here to hear you say it, would you have dared one day to, you know, step up and 'confess' to me?"

"No."

"Why?"

"Didn't it ever pass your mind that I might have _kept quiet_ because I feared that you would denounce me to Central for being in love with a_ male minor_?"

"... Good point, though I didn't see you complaining about my age a few hours earlier."

"Could you _please_ stop talking about that scene? That is very embarrassing even to mention!"

Allen snorted, amused, and crawled closer until he'd invaded Link's personal space again, making the latter gulp. "So you love doing naughty things but talking about them is a no-no? Come _on_ Link, you of all people should know that I got used to _anything _sex related with Cross Marian as my mentor. As for my age," that taunting smirk was such a turn on, _dammit_—"Is that _really_ a problem?"

Link's reply died in his throat and a shiver climbed up his spine when Allen's right hand touched his chest and teasingly traced a path down to the rising tent in his pants. "N-No."

"My thoughts exactly.**"** The words were breathed on his lips before a kiss closed the conversation.

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**A/N:** I just came back from an emotional IRL roller coaster and I find myself not quite the same as I was a few months back. What scares me the most is that I can't seem to read long fanfics like I did back then. Same for books. There are so many books I've vowed myself to finish during my winter break, yet I didn't touch a single one in the 26 days I had free of school. The only thing in me that hasn't changed is that I am still able to dream as vividly as I did back then. But even dreaming does not seem to be enough for me to be able to move my hands fluidly across the keyboard. It's like I've become lethargic. I don't like that.

I have developped frustration due to my writer's blocks. I did my best to deal with it, but people told me that I have to learn patience first before trying to write. However, I also am a reader and know what it feels like to wait helplessly for the author of one of my favourite stories to update it. I see the days flying by, and I know that people who read my story crave the next chapter so I try to write as fast as I can to keep everyone from feeling that impatience that eats you from the inside out. Yet even though I have everything planned out in my head, when I sit in front of the computer and open Microsoft Words, I find myself unable to move my fingers on the keyboard, as if something is blocking me. I spend hours staring at the blank screen, visualizing the scenes in my head and trying to write everything down yet it _just can't come through my fingers like I want it to._

There are so many things I want to write. There are so many things I want you people to read. There are so many ideas in my head that I don't know where to give attention anymore. My concentration is constantly broken one way or another, my writing speed is unstable, and plot bunnies are adding themselves in my mind each day. Let's not forget school, to which I've gotta write many essays for each semester, which means I must put all my energy there instead of where I wish it would go.

I'm sorry to ramble away like this. I just-needed to confess somewhere and this seemed to be a good place for it.

On the brighter side, I want to tell you all that I'll probably publish a sequel to this fanfic. I have it mostly planned out already. The hard part will be to write it down with the way I am feeling now. If I succeed, the story will be made public. If I don't, I won't publish it to spare you people from hanging on to an unfinished story.

That said, I hope you have enjoyed the update!

AF


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